I am sick and tired of this shit. I’m sick and tired of feeling like crap about myself because I’m not doing well enough, because I’m not skinny enough, because I’m not putting in all the effort that I think I should be. I’m sick and tired of wanting to be someone that I’m not. I’m sick and tired of wanting to do things that I don’t end up doing. I’m sick and tired of my own fucking inadequacies.
Truth is, I’m full of crap. I keep on doing the one thing that I really promised myself I wouldn’t do: I keep on talking about everything I want to do, all my plans and schemes, and then not following through. It seems like such a waste of time and energy. I know what I have to do in order to get myself in shape and I just avoid it because it’s easier that way. Well no more. I’m sick and tired of being that person who can’t do anything because they’re holding themself back.
This has been a shitty day filled with people (including myself) telling me what a terrible person I am. I’m exhausted and deflated and lonely and pissed off right now. I just need to go to bed. Hopefully everything will seem better in the morning.