I’ve been slacking pretty hardcore recently, so it’s time to get back to it. Honestly though, slacking is a little too harsh. There were definitely some days when I just didn’t want to do anything and, on the advice of friends, decided not to … and then over the weekend I hurt my neck while I was sleeping so I didn’t do anything for a couple days because of that … and there was the wedding which meant that everything was all busy and hectic. Etc, etc, etc. Basically, I haven’t done anything for about a week, but there’s good (ish) reasons for all of it.
Ordered myself three running books from Amazon yesterday. Hoping that having something to read about running will cause me to stay inspired and, hopefully, teach me a couple of things. Everybody’s always talking about over vs. under pronating while running. And while I know what those words mean (thank you, MTI) I guess I don’t really understand what they mean in terms of running. Ah, it’s just an entirely new set of terminology, words, and expressions that I have to learn. I’m hoping that reading about it all will help.
And on a completely different subject …
My anxiety has been SO bad recently. Aargh. I’m back to having problems swallowing because it’s gotten that bad again. Honestly, I can’t figure out why! J and I had a discussion/argument the other night during which I had a full-blown panic attack (gasping for air and all that jazz). That, of course, makes more sense. But I was feeling totally panicky at the wedding, for no good reason whatsoever. And just sitting on my couch, or trying to fall asleep, or going grocery shopping. Makes no sense.
I think that the problem I’m having is that I’ve forgotten how to relax. Even when I’m sitting around doing nothing I’m still thinking about school or relationship, neither of which is a particularly relaxing subject. And most of my relaxation avenues are now null and void … I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I’m just too hyped up all the time to chill out. It’s really annoying. I just feel like it’s a viscious circle: I can’t relax so I get anxious which means I can’t relax so I get anxious, etc. It’s just really starting to wear me down. I’m exhausted from being so amped up and anxious all the time. I need to figure this out.
Anyway. As you can see this isn’t really a well thought out subject. It’s just so muddled up there in my brain when it comes to this shit. I honestly just have to find a way to relax. Hopefully yoga will do wonders for me tonight.