The truth is that I have nothing to say. I want to say something super important but nothing is coming to mind. There isn’t much super important going on in my head right now, to be honest. It’s all a gigantic jumble. So I’ll just give you a couple of snippets of what’s up there.
Y’all ever heard of Baba Ram Dass? He’s become my guru. In 1976 he wrote a book called “Be Here Now” which became a very influential spiritual guide for many people. He is a wonderful, beautiful, brilliant human being who makes me cry every time I hear him speak or read something he’s written. If you’re interested in him, try to find the documentary about him called “Fierce Grace.” It’s how I originally discovered him (thank you PBS) and worth every second. Anyway. Up until yesterday I guess that I understood the concept “Be Here Now,” but never really knew what it meant. And then yesterday my therapist said to me that I’m too focused on the end result, that the things that are important are the ones that can change my life right now. The end result of that is actually far less important than I seem to think. And for the first time I really understood what “Be Here Now” means. Amazing.
Last night I was watching “Bridget Jones’ Diary” and I became utterly appalled with how Hollywood treats women. Don’t worry, this isn’t a new thing, but it was reinforced for me. Pretty much everybody knows that this is a movie about a “normal” girl, right? Well, in the beginning of the movie she gets herself a new journal and writes in it that she weighs 136 pounds. She then proceeds to spend the entire movie worried about her weight and thinking that she’s fat. 136 pounds? In my mind…not fat. Perhaps not absolutely perfect, but definitely not fat. And good lord, at least when she puts on weight she ends up with giant tits. All I get is huge thighs and ass.
I have an exam in physiology today, so everybody please keep your fingers crossed for me … it’s going to be hard. The great part about this is that I think I should probably be done with it by about 9:30 and I don’t have class again until 12:20. So I’m going to the gym! Honestly, I think that’ll be exactly what I need in order to make me feel good in the middle of the day. It always drives me nuts that I’ve got these miserably long school days (10 hours) with no real chance for being physical at all. Except for the hour that we spent massaging someone in the middle of the day, of course. But that’s less cardiovascular than I want it to be.
And I guess that’s about it. I’ll write more later, when I’ve got more concrete thoughts upstairs. Much love.