Veering slightly more towards being back on track today, I actually went to the gym. Didn’t do my full hour of cardio, but I did 45 minutes. That’s pretty good, right? Well yes, it’s damn good compared to the last month of doing absolutely nothing. Go me!
30 minutes treadmill, 15 minutes elliptical.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what my end goals are, fitness wise. I’ve always operated under “I need to lose 10 more pounds” or “I want to fit in a size 6” or “I just want my fucking thighs to shrink” but the truth of the matter is that I don’t think those are actually goals that are going to get me anywhere. All those goals do is make me feel shitty about myself when I don’t accomplish them, regardless of all the other wonderful stuff that I’ve done in the process. I need goals that are more inspired and more inspirational than those. Truth be told, I do still want to fit into a size 6, which would entail losing 10 more pounds. But that’s not my end goal. Even more than that, I want to be healthy and live a better life.
I would like to, at some point, be able to run 3 miles 5 times per week. Considering that I’m back to having a bitch of a time running for 90 seconds, this is definitely a long-term goal.
I’ve also been thinking a lot recently about when I started thinking all the time about looking different. I grew up in a household where dieting was the norm. I swear that my mom was always on some random diet or another, for as long as I can remember. I never really understood that it wasn’t a particularly practical or good way to live your life. No wonder I was totally anorexic in high school. The thing about it is that as much as I still love my mother (and I do, Mom, no worries there) I absolutely refuse to raise my children in an environment like that. I’m not going to be all “middle America” and get fat and let my children eat whatever they want to. But I’m also not going to obsess about what I eat in front of my impressionable children. I’m going to teach my children to live a healthy lifestyle, with both food and exercise.
Of course, you understand that children are still a ways off, I’m just thinking long-term here.
Another thing I really want to work on is eating foods that make me feel good. I spend a hell of a lot of time eating foods that make me feel like crap, which makes absolutely no sense when I think about it rationally. Last night all I really wanted for dinner was a salad but instead I had pasta with ground turkey in the sauce. Not at all what my body was craving. This is something that I have a really hard time with. I tend to go from not hungry at all to starving in a manner of seconds, which makes it hard to plan ahead for meals. This also means that when I actually am hungry I need to eat RIGHT AWAY. Most often this just involves eating whatever I happen to see. I need to get better at knowing this is going to happen and planning for it.
Also, I need to get better at decreasing my portion sizes. This seems ridiculous, because I tend to not eat very much in the first place. But inevitably, every single night, I overeat and my body reacts really strongly to overeating. I need to remember that my eyes have always been bigger than my stomach, so I should serve myself a very small portion to start off with.
As you can see I’ve been thinking a lot recently. In fact, my brain has been relatively overwhelming as of late. I think I need to start keeping a paper journal again. I miss having a place where I can flip through my thoughts. This is good, but it doesn’t quite feel the same, you know?
And by the way, happy New Year to everyone. And super-duper CONGRATULATIONS to Mia.