I know it’s been a hell of a long time since I’ve written. Like three weeks … jeez that’s a long time. I’m not here to write anything super intense, just fill you in on the details of my life.
First off, J and I are still broken up. We have occasionally … umm … “blurred” the boundaries of being broken up, but other than that, I’m staying strong. As terrified as I am of having him leave, of not having him be a part of my every day life, I know that it’s what I need. I just feel that we’ve been dragging each other down for too long. Now it’s time for us to set each other free.
School has been sucking. Last week was the worst week of all time. I had to work 30 hours, go to school for 20 hours, write one 3-page paper, 2 2-page papers, give a presentation, study for four finals, and then actually take those four finals. I didn’t have a chance to do anything fun last week, let alone breathe. I think the problems is that we’ve all reached this point in our education where we’re just totally burned out. And yet we still have to keep on doing this shit until June 10th, when summer break begins. I guess it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one counting down the days until summer starts for us, but I still feel like it’s never going to come and they’re just torturing us and I’m going to die at school giving someone a crappy massage that I don’t care about anymore. Phew … it’s nice to get that off my chest.
Work has actually been pretty nice. I’ve met some awesome people, made some money, and it turns out that I’m really good at the job! The environment is one of fast-paced, slightly-controlled chaos and I absolutely thrive in that, so it’s been good.
I haven’t really started mourning the end of my relationship yet. I’ve had two days where I simply couldn’t stop crying, but I know there’s so much more than that in there. Instead, I’ve been participating in some retail-therapy and some relatively self-destructive behavior. Nothing major, though I am thinking a tattoo might be in order soon. And, of course, I haven’t been eating very much and when I am eating it’s inevitably something bad for me. Oh well, I suppose that’s just how it goes and I really have to give myself permission to do what I need right now.
So yeah, I just wanted everyone to know that I’m still alive and still functioning (kind of). Hope you’re all doing well.