I hate this.

I hate being poor.

I hate spending so much of my time thinking about money, which is just about my least favorite thing in the world.

I hate coming to the realization that I pretty much just can’t afford to be alive.

I hate that I’m questioning my decision to have a baby just because of my financial situation.

I hate not being able to have the things I want, no matter how small.

I hate that what seems like a grotesquely large amount of money to me seems like pocket change to other people in the world.

I hate that all I want right now is a new car. Not NEW, but one that’s slightly used and in better condition and safer for my son than the one I’ve got. I found the perfect car … $13,000. To me that number is so astronomically large that there’s no point in even thinking about it. And yet I do, about every 10 minutes, honestly.

I hate that I can’t see a way out of this.

I hate how helpless I feel.

I hate this.

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2 thoughts on “I hate this.

  1. Hey. Don’t worry. You’ve just made it through January in Vermont which is depressing as hell. Money totally sucks, mostly because it seems to sit on the other side of a window and look at you and laugh. That’s what it does to me anyway. We come up with some kind of budget and somehow every month there’s more and more bills. I don’t honestly know how we’ll make it with only one of us working for a while and a baby. But we will. And you are. You’re making it. We were pretty poor when I was a kid and I always wore it as some kind of strength. Like, yeah, what of it? I’ve totally romanticized that time and I know that some day all this will be totally romantic in memory too.

    Not a big pep talk or anything just a hello and yeah, it sucks.

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