I am so excited to be going home. The next two months will both fly and drag by. We went down to Boston for the weekend to look for apartments, and ended up deciding to live in an apartment that some friends of ours own. It’s on the second floor of their house (they live on the first) and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Lots of windows, a GIANT back porch, a dining room, etc. Tons and tons of usable space. No dishwasher, which sucks, but since I have no dishwasher now, I’m totally used to it.
I’m just so excited that I’ll have people to hang out with, talk to, go to yoga with, play games with, go shopping with, have over for dinner, and just sit around and do nothing with. I’m so excited.
This is really hard. Even with the decision made, people already told, and me feeling so wonderful about it, it’s hard. I feel like I’m giving up, like I didn’t try hard enough, that this beautiful state let me down. I feel like how can anything really be better if all I’m doing is changing location again. Ack. It’s tough.
So now it’s time to make a list of the benefits of each place.
– fewer people
– more trees
– strong focus on local economy, local foods, local products, etc.
– BIG farm community
– 500 acres of farmland a two minute drive from my house (literally)
– cheaper rent
– cheaper car insurance (BY FAR!!!)
– a serious stepping-stone to our end-goal of living in the country
– in Vermont, where the state has been taking very good care of us
– we will someday be able to afford to buy a house here
– J will be happier if we stay
– for the first time in his life, J has a job that he likes
– it’s beautiful here
– the people who I want to help me raise my child
– my close friends
– cheaper groceries
– the grocery store I want to be shopping at (whole foods)
– better food
– built-in babysitting whenever I want it
– two moms who were my close friends even before we had kids
– movie theaters
– cheaper for my parents to come and visit
– our families would be closer (which is also not the greatest thing)
– I’ll have people to help me with fitness/weight loss
– hockey for me
– frisbee for J
– we will NEVER be able to afford to buy a house there
– our friends
– our friends
– our friends
– I’ll be happier if we move back
– it’s home
So yeah. Looking at the lists makes it incredibly obvious that going back to Boston is for me, and staying here is for J. So is it selfish of me to go? Obviously I’m not changing my mind, because this is, without a doubt, the right decision. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard to be leaving, hard to have made this decision.
It’s making me sad. But honestly, staying here would make me infinitely sadder.
A decision has been made… we’re moving back to Boston. We hate to leave this beautiful state, but really it’s only the state that’s keeping us here. We have no friends, no family, no support system, just the fact that it’s Vermont. And that, unfortunately, turns out to not be enough.
It will be hard to leave, hard to go back and admit defeat. But we will be surrounded by our support network again, by the people who really know us, the people we want to help raise our child. We will be able to work on our relationship without the overwhelming pressure of being totally alone.
And there’s REALLY good ethnic food (Indian, Vietnamese, sushi, pizza, etc.), Target, Whole Foods.
It’s home. We’re going home.
Sorry, folks, but I had to remove that last post. I didn’t want it floating around in cyberspace. And honestly, it’s in my head enough these days, the last thing I need is a reminder of it on the blog.