an "anonymous" violation of my safe space

Did anybody see the comment that anonymous wrote to my “uncle” post? I’ll write it here, in case you didn’t.

“Well, it says on your profile that you are into attachment parenting. What the hell did you think it meant??
Are you a little too selfish?
What did you think being a mother meant?
And you only have 1 child……….”

There are a couple of things that I want to say to that.

First of all, fuck you. Whoever you are, whether I know you or not, fuck you very, VERY much. Don’t tell me that I didn’t know what being a mother meant beforehand. Of course I didn’t, you fucking idiot. There is absolute nothing in the entire world that can actually prepare you for what it means to be a mother. Welcome to the only job you will ever have that doesn’t come with any kind of training and that you can’t just quit.

You’re right, I didn’t know it would be this hard. But you know what, I haven’t given up. My child has never cried himself to sleep, he has never wanted for me when I haven’t been there, he’s still nursing even though one of my nipples hurts so much that it feels like he’s cutting me with razor blades, and he is not just alive but really truly thriving. So am I into attachment parenting? You bet your fucking ass I am. And I’m doing one hell of a fucking job of it too.

And secondly, I use this blog as a place to vent. It’s not so much that I want people to respond, but just that I want a place to let all my shit out. If you’ve read more than one of my blog entries, you should be able to tell that. When I want help or advice, I ask for it. Otherwise I’m just here to have a safe place to air my thoughts and feelings.

But you come in here and tell me that my feelings aren’t good enough for you. You come into my space, into my emotions, and think that it’s acceptable to insult what you see. And you’re telling me about what kind of person I am? That’s a joke. They’re emotions, you asshole. If you’re the kind of person who thinks it’s ok to tell a perfect stranger that their emotions make them less of a person, then I don’t actually want to see what kind of a parent you are.

Way to make me feel like shit in my own home.

And for those of you who actually read this blog because you are my friends and family, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to be done writing posts like “uncle”. There was too much unbelievably raw and vulnerable emotion in that post for me to be ok with getting a response like that one. But it’s the internet, so that’s just how it goes. I forget sometimes that it’s not just this nice little intimate community that I think I’ve built for myself. It’s the world wide web and anybody can read about my raw emotions. And that’s the part that “anonymous” just made no longer cool for me.

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education

I have started, yet again, to think about education’s role in my life. Over the last ten years or so I’ve made a whole bunch of attempts at furthering my education, none of which amounted to absolutely anything. Plain and simple, I’ve spent my life as a fucking slacker, especially when it related to homework.

But I’ve finally figured something out … the concept of “I’ll save it till tomorrow” just doesn’t work in real life. Everything that’s left undone today just piles up on top of all the shit you have to do tomorrow. What this means is that instead of life being reasonably easy to manage, it ends up being a giant shit-heap of all the work you “left till tomorrow” and never did.

It took me 28 years, but I have finally figured out that there is no such thing as a day off. Sucks, but it’s the truth.

So now the question is … would I actually be able to use that knowledge in my quest for higher education? I don’t know, people, but I’d really like to find out.

I want to be learning. I want to be in school. And I really want to figure out a way that I can make it financially viable, fun, and (most of all) realistic.

I want to do this.