an "anonymous" violation of my safe space

Did anybody see the comment that anonymous wrote to my “uncle” post? I’ll write it here, in case you didn’t.

“Well, it says on your profile that you are into attachment parenting. What the hell did you think it meant??
Are you a little too selfish?
What did you think being a mother meant?
And you only have 1 child……….”

There are a couple of things that I want to say to that.

First of all, fuck you. Whoever you are, whether I know you or not, fuck you very, VERY much. Don’t tell me that I didn’t know what being a mother meant beforehand. Of course I didn’t, you fucking idiot. There is absolute nothing in the entire world that can actually prepare you for what it means to be a mother. Welcome to the only job you will ever have that doesn’t come with any kind of training and that you can’t just quit.

You’re right, I didn’t know it would be this hard. But you know what, I haven’t given up. My child has never cried himself to sleep, he has never wanted for me when I haven’t been there, he’s still nursing even though one of my nipples hurts so much that it feels like he’s cutting me with razor blades, and he is not just alive but really truly thriving. So am I into attachment parenting? You bet your fucking ass I am. And I’m doing one hell of a fucking job of it too.

And secondly, I use this blog as a place to vent. It’s not so much that I want people to respond, but just that I want a place to let all my shit out. If you’ve read more than one of my blog entries, you should be able to tell that. When I want help or advice, I ask for it. Otherwise I’m just here to have a safe place to air my thoughts and feelings.

But you come in here and tell me that my feelings aren’t good enough for you. You come into my space, into my emotions, and think that it’s acceptable to insult what you see. And you’re telling me about what kind of person I am? That’s a joke. They’re emotions, you asshole. If you’re the kind of person who thinks it’s ok to tell a perfect stranger that their emotions make them less of a person, then I don’t actually want to see what kind of a parent you are.

Way to make me feel like shit in my own home.

And for those of you who actually read this blog because you are my friends and family, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to be done writing posts like “uncle”. There was too much unbelievably raw and vulnerable emotion in that post for me to be ok with getting a response like that one. But it’s the internet, so that’s just how it goes. I forget sometimes that it’s not just this nice little intimate community that I think I’ve built for myself. It’s the world wide web and anybody can read about my raw emotions. And that’s the part that “anonymous” just made no longer cool for me.

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2 thoughts on “an "anonymous" violation of my safe space

  1. Hey Margaret,

    Why would you let an anonymous comment stop you from sharing your personal experience of motherhood – positive and negative?

    There’s lots of mothers out there that share the feelings you expressed in your uncle post.

    As a gal getting a divorce, you may want to kick your husband into joint parenting mode, like, right now. I have soooooo been there. Believe me, that’s total BS. Here’s a question my friend asked me “When did you decide that it was OK for husband to do such a crap job as a parent, that you felt you couldn’t leave?”

    You’ve got to pace yourself and you’re not.Don’t wait for an offer of coverage from the man. Demand it and make yourself happy. A happy mom is the best mom. There are no rules, just what you’re willing to accept.

    You need to meet your own needs so you can meet your child’s needs. Of course your child depends on you for everything. He can’t fix anything about your husband not helping enough or you not having enough time to yourself to think. He truly is dependent. However, you can decide to stop nursing him because it’s not working for you. But that’s your decision, not your child’s. It doesn’t mean anything, except the meaning you choose to give it (I’m a crap mom if I don’t nurse until my kid is 2 years old – not necessarily).

    I’m guessing you don’t really want to run away to Mexico. I think you need to arrange for some child support so you can remember who you are and why you’re doing what you’re doing.

    Wishing you the best.

  2. hi sweetpea,

    it was nice to *see* you tonight.
    please don’t let some anon judgy asshole hurt you. i’m glad you spoke out about it, but please don’t stop sharing. i like livejournal because i have some control over who sees various posts, which might help.
    also, please count me among the number who would love to spend some time with your boy, so you can take a break, right there or away.

    hugs
    roopa

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