happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday darling lauren
happy birthday to you


happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday dear margaret
happy birthday to me!

day … something

I seem to have run out of creative juice for right now. Not a big deal, I’m not beating myself up about it. I’m just going to take a little break and then come back to it.

It’s nice being inspired to create. It’s nice having that desire there. And that is what I really wanted to bring back into my life. So, job well done, I guess!


Yesterday, in a moment of being very open about my weaknesses (which actually doesn’t happen often on a serious level), I confessed to my best friend, K, that I need help with this whole exercising thing. K paused for a moment and then said, “When you did this before, when you were all super active and lost all that weight, what inspired you then? What kept you going then? How did you do it?”

I’ve been thinking about her questions since she asked it, and I’ve come up with three answers …

1. To be totally honest, I don’t remember how I got into the habit of exercising and eating well. But once I was in the habit of doing it then it was easy to keep going. Or, at least, easier than it seems to be to start up again.

2. I had company, every step of the way. My darling Lauren and the divine Miss A (who is now Mrs. A), were my workout buddies. The three of us did yoga together all the time. Miss A and I took a couple ballet classes together. I wasn’t alone on the journey.

3. And finally, this is embarrassing to admit, but I was competitive about it. Miss A was also going through a period of weight-loss and I was very jealous watching her get thinner and thinner and admiring her body and envying her fit-ness. She was in the best shape of any woman I’ve ever known and was constantly striving to be in better shape. It was amazing and made me jealous enough that I got my butt in gear and worked out harder and lost more weight than I would have otherwise. In retrospect, of course, she lost much too much weight and was definitely anorexic, but now she’s better. (And, if you still read this ever, I think you look MUCH better now than you did then.)

So how can this help me now?

1. I know that I just need to start. If I start then it becomes habit sand if it become habit then it’s all so much easier. That’s actually pretty simple.

2. I need company. I need friends who will support and encourage me along this journey, who will joke with me and congratulate me and make me go and offer me support and help and love along the way. Maybe if I can learn (again) to do this with other people then I’ll start to understand how to do it alone.

day 8

Nothing. I wasn’t feeling it this day and, as opposed to doing what I should have done and pushing myself to do something creative, I just didn’t.

Boo to me.


You know what the problem is? I don’t want to do “exercise”. I just want to live an active lifestyle. I want to go snowboarding and skating and play hockey and do yoga and go for long bike rides and run around the block and go hiking and swim across Walden Pond and walk everywhere and play soccer and go dancing and learn to fly on a trapeze and do kung-fu and tai-chi. That’s what I want.

But I feel like it’s so hard to fit all that stuff into my real life, so instead I tell myself I have to go to the gym. And then when I don’t go, because I hate it, I feel like crap about myself. Instead I should just figure out ways to do all that other stuff I want to do.


day 7

Two studies on a comb.

I’ve figured out that I can’t just take a picture for my art of the day. That’s too easy. I have to be taking a picture consciously, with purpose. This was me experimenting with my new macro lens. Very strange. Very cool.