Yesterday I was explaining to my best friend that there’s a drastic difference between my perception and J’s when it comes to our relationship.
When everything is going along just fine, when we’re in one of the good spots, I become entirely swept up in the emotions of that situation. I think that everything is perfect and that J is perfect and that we’re destined to be together and that nothing in the world could be better or stronger than our relationship.
But when we’re fighting, when we’re going through a bad spot, I am able to take a step back from the relationship and look at what actually goes on in our relationship. When we are fighting I gain the perspective that I so desperately need, and can’t seem to find when I’m all love-blind. When we’re in a bad spot I can look at the relationship from outside it and how it could be improved and how it needs to change.
J, though, is exactly the opposite. When we’re in a good spot he can take that step back and become more objective, think about what needs to change, and how to make the relationship better. And when we’re fighting all he can see is the relationship and how it’s going wrong. He becomes blind to everything else around him and is entirely swept up in his emotional reaction to the situation at hand.
It’s like we’re both wearing the peril-sensitive sunglasses that Douglas Adams wrote about (as the situation gets more dangerous the sunglasses get darker), but ours are emotion tinted, and we wear them at opposite times from each other.