On Sunday night Darwin spent the night at his Nana’s house. This was the first time that he had ever spent the night not just away from home, but also sleeping anywhere other than in the bed with me.
I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned all night long, searching for his tiny, warm body. Usually he’s a source of annoyance at night — kicking, whining, constantly waking up when he’s still supposed to be sleeping — but I found that I actually did not sleep as well without him there. I know it’s the first of many times. And I know that next time it’ll be easier for me to sleep. But oh, I felt lost without having his tiny face to wake up to.
It’s strange how difficult it is to be a mother, how difficult it is to be the sole source of comfort and love and education and safety for an entire other human being. And then it’s strange how difficult it is to see that wane.
So last night, when he was back in our bed, I cherished every kick, every waking moment, and reveled in the pleasure of snuggling my face against his little warm neck and breathing in his scent.