… watch your own reflection superimposed …

Yesterday was an amazing day.  I spent time with two friends of mine who I absolutely adore … we made mac and cheese and talked about intimacy and spirituality and the possibility of overcoming our genetic dispositions.  These are two of my favorite people in the world, who I feel incredibly lucky to be so comfortable with.  They are friends I am not willing to let simply slip away into the ether.

And then last night, after all these deep and wonderful discussions, when I was totally open to having a profound and life-altering experience, I went to go see an Ani DiFranco concert with two other friends.  I’ve been a fan of Ani for 15 years, though my love for her has waxed and waned greatly in that time.  I suppose it would be fair to say that it’s actually been a long time since my love for her was anywhere but on the back burner.  But when a friend said that she was coming to town and playing at Symphony Hall, I obviously couldn’t resist.

And I am now incredibly, unbelievably thankful that I didn’t.

First of all, I have never heard music the way I did last night.  The acoustics in that place are TO DIE FOR.  It was like being entirely encased in a giant bubble filled with the most beautiful music imaginable.  It was all encompassing and entirely astounding.  I can’t say enough.

And the concert itself was amazing.  She played a couple of my favorite songs of hers, subtly redone so that they were new and interesting.  She played a bunch of stuff from her new record, all of which was incredibly cool (I especially liked the one about being in labor with her daughter).  And she played 2 songs which she just wrote, one of which was a song about President Elect Obama, and how proud she is of the American people that we all voted for him.  It was amazing.

She ended the concert with two of my favorite songs, both of which I very strongly associate with J, and they brought me to tears in a way that was astounding.  I think that because I was so open to the world I really let myself have that profound experience, really let myself feel the words and the lyrics and the emotions that are tied into these songs for me.

I’m going to leave you with some of the lyrics to her song “Overlap”:

i search your profile for a translation
i study the conversation like a map
’cause i know there is strength
in the differences between us
and i know there is comfort
where we overlap

each one of us
wants a piece of the action
you can hear it in what we say
you can see it in what we do
we negotiate with chaos
for some sense of satisfaction
if you won’t give it to me
at least give me a better view

i build each one of my days out of hope
and i give that hope your name
and i don’t know you that well
but it don’t take much to tell
either you don’t have the balls
or you don’t feel the same

come here
stand in front of the light
stand still
so i can see your silhouette
i hope
that you have got all night
cause i’m not done looking yet

Thank you, Ani, for entering my life again in such a strong and beautiful way.  You are an inspiration and a road map and a kindred spirit.  Thank you.

Today I’m feeling stressed.  I need to find work … either an entirely new full-time job or another part-time job before the end of the year.  And right now it seems impossible!  Nobody that I have even the vaguest interest in working for is hiring, which means that I’m contemplating going to work for someone who I will hate.

I am much too smart for this life that I have set up for myself.  It’s fucking depressing and stressful.

it’s time

So, I’m actually getting back on the exercise/healthy living train.  It’s going to be a long and arduous road back to being in shape, but I’m going to do it.

I’ve been going to Nia dance classes and going for hikes in the nearby Fellsway.  Yesterday while I was hiking I realized that as soon as I get out into the woods like that, especially on a nice rainy day like yesterday was, I have the overwhelming desire to start running.  So I did.  I started running and kept going for significantly longer than I thought I was going to be able to.  The only problem I had was that my regular running shoes, which I was wearing, were obviously not designed for the job.

So today I’m going to buy myself (or at least do some research) into trail running shoes.  There’s a great running store nearby so I’m going to hop in there and see what advice they can give.

This is an interesting new journey, huh?

Two roads diverged in a wood …

And we
We took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Today I am proud to be an American.  And, amazingly, I have faith that this new president of ours can keep that pride alive in me.

It’s a good day to be alive.

(Also, let me just mention, because it needs to be mentioned, that in Massachusetts people voted to keep the income tax and to decriminalize marijuana and in South Dakota people against the abortion limits.  Maybe people aren’t as dumb as I think they are.)

america the beautiful

I’m having such an incredibly emotional reaction to this election day.  I’m feeling hopeful and terrified and happy and like I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

This day is monumental for a million different reasons.  This is the first time I’ve seen my friends (and myself) really interested in politics, like all of a sudden this stuff actually affects our lives.  We have dinner once a week together and for months now we haven’t been able go for more than an hour without our fears and hopes for this election day peppering the conversation.

I was vehemently talking about the election one day and my husband said, “You’ve never cared about this before, why now?  Why are you now so passionate about it?”  I looked at him, entirely flabbergasted, and responded, “Because it’s not my future I’m caring about anymore.  Now it’s Darwin’s life that this is affecting, and good lord knows I want him raised in a better America than this.”

And that’s really what it comes down to.  That’s why I’m so emotional.  I see the two pathways dividing in the woods.  Down one of them is an America that I don’t want Darwin to be a part of, an America which looks an awful lot like the last 8 years, an America where no forward progress is going to be made and we will just continue falling and falling and falling.

And down the other path is an America where we improvements will be made … where troops will come home from a useless war, my parents won’t have to worry about the state of their retirement investments, health care will be more affordable, the education my son gets will be better, and where a man with different colored skin than Darwin has is president.

Two roads diverged, my friends … and I am incredibly hopeful that America knows which one to choose.