road blocks

I’m currently in Puerto Rico, loving the sun and sand and the humidity and the time away from real life.

But I keep on being held up, stopped up, by this one huge nagging issue in my life … my weight.  A year ago we were in Mexico and I told myself that when we were on our next vacation things would be different:  I’d have a regular yoga practice, I’d be back in some semblance of shape, I’d have lost some weight, and I’d be happier with myself, in my own skin.

None of that stuff is true.  I am, in fact, probably even slightly heavier this year than I was last year.

So what’s the fucking deal, man?  I’m ready to change!  Except that that obviously isn’t true.  No … I’m ready to have MADE the change already and be on my way already.

I keep making all these other changes in the hope that I’ll feel good about myself, but I’m not making the one change that I really want/have to make, the one that’s going to actually have an impact on how I feel about myself.

What am I so afraid of?  Hard work?  Failing?  Succeeding?  Needing to ask for help?

Probably some glorious combination of all of the above.

So here we go again … what I would like for a year from now (it’s all pretty much the same as it was last year):

– a regular yoga practice

– to have run in the Somerville Thanksgiving Day Gobble Gobble Gobble 4 mile run.

– to have lost 25 pounds

– to feel more like myself and less like a bloated version of me

That’s all I’ve got for now, folks.  I’m sorry I’ve been going on and on about this for 2 years now.  I swear that I will make a change at some point soon.  Seriously.

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