tired

It’s midnight, my alarm’s going to go off at 6:30, and I can’t sleep.

I’m just afraid that nobody’s ever going to want me again. I’m afraid that I will be lonely and alone and sad and unlucky in love forever. And that nobody will ever kiss me again, nuzzle my neck again, gently place their hand in the small of my back. I’m afraid that I’ll never have that kind of intimacy again.

I’m not just talking about sex here, folks. I’m talking about the kind of intimacy you get when you’ve been with somebody, when you know somebody, when you really love somebody. The kind of intimacy that comes from really wanting to be with somebody.

It’s been a long time since my relationship had that going on. I miss it. And I’m afraid it’ll never happen for me again.

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4 thoughts on “tired

  1. yet again Ms. Margaret… I feel you. Does it help to know you aren’t alone in your thoughts and worries?

    I suspect that there are a lot of “unknowns” in your life equation right now, but hopefully you can spin things in the most positive direction. Without having met you, I see that you are an incredible person with only words and photos to go by. Life is going to throw you bundles of goodness soon, in knowledge, in energy and someday, perhaps, intimacy.

    Love your honesty always!
    m

  2. I agree with Mollie… you will definitely have these things again.

    I want all three of us to hang out with some bottles–that’s right, it’s plural–of wine someday soon. You guys will really like each other. 🙂

  3. It’s obviously time for us to plan a visit up to Vermont to visit Mollie. Let’s do it! I love bottles (oh yes, plural) of wine!

    🙂

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