I am so sick and tired of this old merry-go-round that I’m on right now.  We have the same discussions over and over again, the same fights, come to the same conclusions, and nothing is changing.  I told J that if he wants us to go see a therapist that he needs to be the one who finds said therapist.  Weeks later and nothing has happened, he’s waiting for people to call him back, shopping around, etc.  And even though I’m sitting and waiting for something to happen those are still his conditions … he won’t consider splitting up until we’ve been to see one.  So yet again I do the work, find a therapist, call up and get us an appointment.  When J’s in charge it takes weeks, when I decide to take the reigns it takes 10 minutes.  That’s the way it always is.

He has asked me to be willing to go into therapy with an open mind, but the truth is that I think it’s too late for that.  I think that a year ago, or even six months ago, I would have been able to have an open mind.  But now, now I think we might have moved past that point.  Now I’m ready to be done.  He wants to go to therapy so that we can work through our problems.  I want to go to therapy so we can mediate our divorce.

We’ll see.  We’ll see what happens on Monday.  We’ll see if I an actually manage to get anything across to him.  We’ll see if having a stranger in the room with us is helpful.  We’ll see.

At the very least it’s a small step in the direction that I want to be going in.


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