Well, folks, I’ve been holding back on this info because I’m freaked out about it, but here it is … in 10 hours time I’m a full-time college student. For those of you who don’t know me all that well, this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. This is, in fact, my third attempt. I’ve failed twice before in my efforts to do the whole college thing. And now, here I am, doing it again. I am, in fact, starting over from the very beginning. I think that failing at this again will just kill me, so I am determined not to.

I’m really trying to do this right this time. I’m trying to not have too many insane plans for the future, for what my doctorate is going to be in. Shit, right now I’m not even thinking about what I’m going to major in. Right now I just want to see if I can make it through this fucking semester. No, even that’s not right. Right now I’m just trying to make sure that I actually go to class tomorrow.

So please, keep your fingers crossed, offer me all your support, and if you have any advice, send it my way … I can use all the help I can get.


5 thoughts on “school

  1. Congratulations! School is a great thing to do to keep your body and mind busy. Set your priorities right, and I trust that you will finish this time!

  2. Where are you going to school? I hope that all goes well, that you remember when you get there that you know quite well how to roll with it. You are good at school. There have been times when doing hard things when I’ve found myself completely unintentionally repeating over and over in my head “this is something I can do,” a little mantra bubbling up. I find that it helps.

    I am excited for you and your third whack at college, and I can’t wait to hear what unfolds for you there. I believe so firmly that this is something you can do, and I hope that you do, too. Own it, stick with it, rock it, you smart little cookie.

  3. Well, for right now I’m going to Bunker Hill. Since I have failed so spectacularly in the past at going to school, I don’t want to be spending a whole buttload of money. I’m just afraid that I’ll fail at this again, for one reason or another. We’ll see how it goes, and what I want to come of it. Because I am the one in control of this situation. I’m the one who’s choosing my fate.

    I’m going to rock it. You can bet on it.

  4. Okay, Margaret, I did this too. Are you ready for my unsolicited advice? Don’t overvalue it–it makes it too big of a deal. What kind of helped me is someone (my therapist) said to me, “this part (undergrad) is nothing- you’re overvaluing it, which attaches baggage to it. Think of this as a small step towards something bigger and more important, like your phD.”

    The fear weighs it down and makes it harder for us to face it eyes wide open. Yes, you’re going to rock it. But I think it’s important (for the purposes of rocking it) to keep in mind the idea, “not that big of a deal.” It’s the big deal thinking that sinks us!

    I’m done. It’s been awhile since my last unsolicited advice; I was getting ansy! 🙂

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