Codependency is a pattern of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship or relationships with a partner, family or friends. A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Codependency advocates claim that a codependent may feel shame about, or try to change, his or her most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with those of another person. It involves low-self esteem, seeking for others approval, not having own boundaries with their own thought, feelings and behavior.
Symptoms of codependence may include controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, problems with intimacy, excessive caretaking, hypervigilance, or physical illness related to stress. Codependence is often accompanied by clinical depression, as the codependent person succumbs to feelings of frustration or sadness over his or her inability to improve the situation.
- tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one’s own
- continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others
- anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation
- difficulty expressing feelings
- excessive worry how others may respond to one’s feelings
- undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others
- self-esteem dependent on approval by others
- tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others
Anybody have any thoughts on this? Is this going to be a common theme in ALL my relationships or just this one? If I was with someone who wasn’t an alcoholic would it be different? Is it too late to change these patterns in the relationship now? Is it something I can actually change about myself? Any thoughts on how to?