Well, folks, it’s done. I’ve found an apartment that I love, I’ve turned in an application for it, and J and I have started to hash out exactly what this means for us.
I am, of course, wavering now. Now I’m thinking about how much fun we have together when we’re having fun, how passionately we have loved each other, and how sad it’s going to be to simply leave that all behind. But I am only wavering in my own head. I am not questioning this decision, I am merely letting myself feel the regret and sadness for all the things that have gone wrong.
Nine years is a long time to be with someone who you then don’t spend the rest of your life with. Nine years is a lifetime together.
I’m working really hard on not having this feel like the most final thing in the whole wide world. We’re not signing any divorce papers yet, we’re being quite cordial about the whole thing, because I don’t think that either one of us is actually willing to close the door on this completely.
Honestly, who knows what the future holds? Well, hopefully for me it holds an awesome new apartment. If I get it, I’ll let you all know.