It’s the middle of the night and I’m not sleeping. I drank a cup of what was supposed to be decaf espresso at 5pm tonight. Now it’s 11:30pm and I just got up after 45 minutes of rolling around in bed attmepting to fall asleep. It became quite obvious that it wasn’t going to happen, so I just got up. And now I’m going to go for the classic can’t sleep combo of drinking water and watching bad TV.
Did I already tell you guys that I went on antidepressants? I decided a couple weeks ago that it would be a good idea for me to preemptively strike and go on them before I actually moved out. That way I’d be prepared when I started to sink into the depths of the inevitable depression. It’s just a little bit of cushioning.
But now here I am and I’m finding that I am not mourning what I’ve lost. The question is am I not mourning because I’ve been mourning for years now? Or is it because of this cushioning that I gave myself? And either way, should I worry that I will sometime soon find myself in a shitstorm of angst? Or should I simply let this all take its own course and not worry about the results?