change is in the air

I haven’t written in about a million years, because I feel like there’s nothing of note to say. But here I am and now there’s a couple of things I need to discuss and get out of my system.

First, my dearest friend Lauren had a baby last Friday. I got to be her doula, and even was able to be in the room during the c-section. And that baby that we were all so convinced was a boy … was a girl. Little miss Rowan Murphy Sullivan. She’s the second most beautiful baby that I’ve ever seen and I am so in love with her that it’s kind of unreasonable. Lauren and her husband Luke are Darwin’s godparents and I have to admit that I was a little concerned that when they had their own child they would simply not love Darwin as much as they used to. But now I see that this is truly impossible. Your heart just expands to fit more love into it.

And on a bigger note, I asked J for a divorce today. Although he still blames me for everything, he said yes. I will be honest though, I am feeling many different things right now. I’m hysterically happy and feel like dancing a damn jig. But I am also somewhat disbelieving that this is actually happening. How can it be that just four short years ago I was planning my wedding, pregnant, and hoping that the future held nothing but good things.

And now here I am … on my way to being a divorcee. Wow.

The truth of the matter is though, that I haven’t thought of J as my husband since I moved out. I still very much think of him as my family, but I don’t want to be his wife. And there it is … I don’t want to be his wife, so it’s time to move on.

So in a little over four months you are all officially invited to my divorce party.