change is in the air

I haven’t written in about a million years, because I feel like there’s nothing of note to say. But here I am and now there’s a couple of things I need to discuss and get out of my system.

First, my dearest friend Lauren had a baby last Friday. I got to be her doula, and even was able to be in the room during the c-section. And that baby that we were all so convinced was a boy … was a girl. Little miss Rowan Murphy Sullivan. She’s the second most beautiful baby that I’ve ever seen and I am so in love with her that it’s kind of unreasonable. Lauren and her husband Luke are Darwin’s godparents and I have to admit that I was a little concerned that when they had their own child they would simply not love Darwin as much as they used to. But now I see that this is truly impossible. Your heart just expands to fit more love into it.

And on a bigger note, I asked J for a divorce today. Although he still blames me for everything, he said yes. I will be honest though, I am feeling many different things right now. I’m hysterically happy and feel like dancing a damn jig. But I am also somewhat disbelieving that this is actually happening. How can it be that just four short years ago I was planning my wedding, pregnant, and hoping that the future held nothing but good things.

And now here I am … on my way to being a divorcee. Wow.

The truth of the matter is though, that I haven’t thought of J as my husband since I moved out. I still very much think of him as my family, but I don’t want to be his wife. And there it is … I don’t want to be his wife, so it’s time to move on.

So in a little over four months you are all officially invited to my divorce party.


2 thoughts on “change is in the air

  1. Oh honey. We haven’t talked in ages. But I hope you know you can call me any time. Any time. The end of a marriage is a big, huge, change. Change in the present, for sure. But also a big change from what you expected for the future, and changes in your memories of the past as you start to look at things differently. And it can both suck and be totally awesome. I still go back and forth about it six years later.

    I think you’re amazing. Let’s hang out some time.


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