I can’t sleep.
My life is going through some serious upheaval right now. Some of it is simply good, some of it is impossibly difficult in the long run and will be good in the long.
I started smoking again in November, something which I’m so incredibly embarrassed about that it’s hard to describe. Ugh. After four years of being a nonsmoker I let myself go back to it. How can I not be embarrassed? But now I’m quitting smoking again. Not fun for right now, but it’ll be fine in a month or two. Upheaval #1.
Also I joined WeightWatchers. I am sick and tired of being overweight (60 pounds overweight, to be exact) so I’m taking some damn action. I have made myself a deal … that I am not allowed to be ashamed of the steps I’m taking as long as they are working. So I refuse to be ashamed of the fact that I’m counting all my food in points, eating fake meat, and doing all this other silly stuff to try and lower my weight. I’m going to do it and I don’t care how it gets done.
On the same point as the last one, I hired myself a person trainer. He’s a giant dude who REALLY knows his business. He’s awesome and I really like him. So far I’ve only been going to the gym for our appointments, not for the rest of the week. The part of this that I need to do on my own is the cardio part, because with the trainer I only work on strength training. But I’m having a helluva hard time dragging myself to the gym to do the cardio part of this whole working out thing. I’m really interested in trying to turn myself into a runner at some point, but that point is a ridiculously long way off. In order to become a runner I have to start off small, and that’s something I’m having a hard time with. But soon, soon I promise I’ll get going on it.
And I’m exhausted right now, but can’t sleep. I’m hungry and I want a damn cigarette, but I’m out of points and no longer smoking. Oh well. I’ll survive and emerge better than before.