a fucking butterfly

I am in a better place today than I was for the last post. Thank goodness.

I have decided not to be embarrassed about the fact that I joined WeightWatchers. I mean seriously, if it’s going to work (which it totally is) then why should I be embarrassed about it? Also once you start counting points, it’s amazing to discover how many other people out there have done it too (thanks, Faye!). And honestly, As much as I miss eating bagels slathered in butter and ice cream and … you know … whatever I want , I actually feel fantastic! I am astounded at how many vegetables my body can handle without feeling like crap (unlike candy or bagel chips or any of the other stuff I used to snack on).

And, whoah, I joined OKCupid yesterday. A friend of mine, who is also going through a divorce, has been going out on casual dates through this site and has been loving it. So he talked me into trying it. I’m not ready to start actively dating or seeking out a new relationship. I simply have no interest right now. But casual dating and fooling around? I could use some damn fun and games in my life right now.

So yeah. I patently refuse to be a victim to my own circumstances. It would be so easy for me to simply give up, curl up in a ball and die. But I seriously refuse. I ended my relationship with J because I believed that there was something better on the other side. If all I’m allowing myself to find on the other side is misery then I’m acting like a damn idiot. Instead I’m going to make my life better and fuller and more like I want it to be.

Faye, you spoke the truth … a fucking butterfly better come out of this shit. And I have faith that it will.

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One thought on “a fucking butterfly

  1. Holy shit; you’ve been writing your ass off- well, relative to me, at least. Oh, and I LOVE OKC, Girl. Surprisingly wonderful people around that place! Seriously. Will fill you in sometime- do the same! 🙂

    Can’t wait to see eachother this summer, hopefully!

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