this is it

I have spent my entire life going through periods of extreme depression.  And, in truth, it’s gotten worse the older I’ve become.  Now that I’m facing my thirty-second birthday on Friday I find myself wanting a real change.

Here’s the thing … I know what I have to do in order to avoid the cycle of depression.  I know all the details, all the minutia that would completely change my emotional state.  And up until this point I haven’t been doing it, I haven’t been taking care of myself,  I haven’t been watching out for my own emotional state.

(Surprisingly this actually has very little to do with J.  It has everything to do with me.)

So here I am, making some goals.  I’m not going to put them down here, because I feel like that sets me up for feelings of failure.  What I am going to do is make MYSELF a promise to start taking better care of me.  I am going to stop taking the short-term easier way out and I am going to take the long-term into account.  I’m done with this struggle and I’m ready to do the damn thing.

So happy birthday, Margaret.  And welcome to your new life.

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