I’m finally starting to get it …
On days when I don’t exercise, I emotionally feel like crap.
On days when I eat really badly, I emotionally feel like crap.
On days when I don’t get out into the world and interact with it in some way or another, I emotionally feel like crap.
On days when I don’t use my creativity in one way or another, I emotionally feel like crap.
The days when I don’t do those thing, when I’m not taking care of myself … those are the days when I hate myself and my life.
Duh. It’s so obvious that I can’t believe I didn’t put it together until now.
I’m eating some food and then I’m off for a hike. Yippee!
This morning I went up to The Fells after dropping Darwin off at school and took myself on a hike. Two straight hours of moving up legs back and forth, up and down, looking at the world around me and gaining perspective from nature.
I love to be outside, love the sounds and the feelings. I love the wind moving through the trees, love happening along a little stream. I love standing up at the top of a hill that I just climbed, feeling like the master of my own destiny, ruler of my own universe. I love the strain, exerting myself, love the amazing payback I get for the effort. I feel happier and more alive being out there, walking alone than I have in a long time.
I need to remember this. This veil of depression that’s been settling over my eyes is a road to disaster. I need to think of this time that I’ve been given right now, this momentary lapse in adulthood, as an opportunity. This is my chance to spend time alone, in the world. This is my chance to remember who I am and to figure out who I want to be. I need to learn to believe in myself. I need to remind myself of my place in the world. And in order to do that I need to be out, moving in it.
There’s a trail on the West Side of The Fells called The Skyline Trail. It’s my favorite trail to hike there, with a difficulty rating of 4 out of 5 stars. I found out today that its total distance from start to finish is 7.88 miles. Next week I’m going to hike the whole trail.
Just watch me.
So, I’m actually getting back on the exercise/healthy living train. It’s going to be a long and arduous road back to being in shape, but I’m going to do it.
I’ve been going to Nia dance classes and going for hikes in the nearby Fellsway. Yesterday while I was hiking I realized that as soon as I get out into the woods like that, especially on a nice rainy day like yesterday was, I have the overwhelming desire to start running. So I did. I started running and kept going for significantly longer than I thought I was going to be able to. The only problem I had was that my regular running shoes, which I was wearing, were obviously not designed for the job.
So today I’m going to buy myself (or at least do some research) into trail running shoes. There’s a great running store nearby so I’m going to hop in there and see what advice they can give.
This is an interesting new journey, huh?